1 00:00:09,010 --> 00:00:12,013 I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time. 2 00:00:12,138 --> 00:00:13,889 Friendly faces everywhere. 3 00:00:14,015 --> 00:00:15,683 Humble folks without temptation. 4 00:00:15,808 --> 00:00:18,602 Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind. 5 00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,688 Ample parking day or night. 6 00:00:20,813 --> 00:00:22,173 People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" 7 00:00:22,231 --> 00:00:25,401 Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind. 8 00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:27,194 Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy. 9 00:00:27,319 --> 00:00:28,571 Timmy, Timmy, liv-a-la, Timmy! 10 00:00:28,696 --> 00:00:32,450 Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine. 11 00:00:36,245 --> 00:00:39,623 Oh! Hello, there, kids. Welcome to Lolly's candy shop. 12 00:00:39,749 --> 00:00:41,560 We're the kids whose names you called on your commercial. 13 00:00:41,584 --> 00:00:42,811 We're here to do the shopping spree. 14 00:00:42,835 --> 00:00:44,045 Oh, that's great! 15 00:00:44,170 --> 00:00:46,005 You bet your fat clown ass it is. 16 00:00:46,130 --> 00:00:48,924 Okay. Well, I'll just need your ticket stub. 17 00:00:49,925 --> 00:00:50,968 Ticket stub? 18 00:00:51,093 --> 00:00:52,803 You know... When you entered the contest, 19 00:00:52,928 --> 00:00:54,555 you got the other half of this ticket. 20 00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:56,000 Oh, shit! Who has the ticket stub? 21 00:00:56,098 --> 00:00:57,308 It was such a long time ago! 22 00:00:57,433 --> 00:00:59,226 We don't really need the ticket stub, do we? 23 00:00:59,351 --> 00:01:01,520 Don't need the ticket stub? Are you high? 24 00:01:01,645 --> 00:01:03,314 How else do I know you're the winners? 25 00:01:03,439 --> 00:01:05,417 Because our names were called on the commercial last night. 26 00:01:05,441 --> 00:01:08,486 Sorry, boys. No ticket stub, no candy shopping spree. 27 00:01:08,611 --> 00:01:10,362 If you find it, you can come back. 28 00:01:10,488 --> 00:01:12,698 But you only have one week to claim the prize. 29 00:01:12,823 --> 00:01:15,451 That's called a ticking clock. Works great in the movies. 30 00:01:20,039 --> 00:01:21,415 God damn it! 31 00:01:21,540 --> 00:01:23,393 - We've got to find that ticket. - Which one of us took it? 32 00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:24,937 It was so long ago. I-I can't remember. 33 00:01:25,002 --> 00:01:27,838 We've got to focus. We've got to focus and remember. 34 00:01:28,881 --> 00:01:30,674 All right! There you go. 35 00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:32,009 Hold on to that ticket stub. 36 00:01:32,134 --> 00:01:33,844 You'll need it to claim your prize. 37 00:01:33,969 --> 00:01:35,763 Sign up for the five-minute shopping spree! 38 00:01:35,888 --> 00:01:37,848 You hold on to this, Cartman. I might lose it. 39 00:01:37,973 --> 00:01:40,601 No. I'll lose it for sure. You keep track of it, Kyle. 40 00:01:40,726 --> 00:01:42,394 Okay. 41 00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:44,355 N-No. I don't want that much responsibility. 42 00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:46,190 Here. You hold on to it, Kenny. 43 00:01:46,315 --> 00:01:47,817 Mrph rm. 44 00:01:50,236 --> 00:01:51,236 Kenny! 45 00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:57,451 Yes? 46 00:01:57,576 --> 00:01:58,661 Where's Kenny? 47 00:01:59,995 --> 00:02:03,541 Uh, boys... Kenny died last December. 48 00:02:03,666 --> 00:02:05,042 Don't you remember? 49 00:02:05,167 --> 00:02:07,503 We know he's dead. We mean where is his body? 50 00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:09,839 His body? But why? 51 00:02:09,964 --> 00:02:11,684 Because he has the goddamn ticket for the... 52 00:02:11,799 --> 00:02:13,384 Look, we just really miss our friend, 53 00:02:13,509 --> 00:02:16,095 and, uh, and we need to see his remains for closure. 54 00:02:16,220 --> 00:02:18,389 - Yeah. Closure. - What the fuck is closure? 55 00:02:18,514 --> 00:02:20,224 Oh, all right, boys. Come on in. 56 00:02:21,350 --> 00:02:23,352 We haven't seen you boys for so long. 57 00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:25,771 W-We thought you'd forgotten all about him. 58 00:02:25,896 --> 00:02:29,066 Here he is, boys. Our dear little Kenny. 59 00:02:29,191 --> 00:02:32,695 You turned him into a teapot? 60 00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:34,572 No. That's an urn, boys. 61 00:02:34,697 --> 00:02:35,823 Kenny's inside it. 62 00:02:35,948 --> 00:02:37,825 Your friends are here to see you, Kenny. 63 00:02:37,950 --> 00:02:40,452 They miss you an awful lot, like we all do. 64 00:02:41,996 --> 00:02:44,832 T-Thanks for coming by, boys. It... It means a lot to us. 65 00:02:44,957 --> 00:02:47,501 Oh, now, honey. 66 00:03:07,605 --> 00:03:08,665 - Did you get it? - Hold on. 67 00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:11,108 I'm checking for robot guards. 68 00:03:11,233 --> 00:03:12,919 There's not gonna be any robot guards, retard. 69 00:03:12,943 --> 00:03:14,403 Just get Kenny. 70 00:03:16,113 --> 00:03:17,948 You guys piss me off. 71 00:03:22,953 --> 00:03:24,205 All right! We made it. 72 00:03:24,330 --> 00:03:26,141 Kenny better have the ticket stub with him in there. 73 00:03:26,165 --> 00:03:27,666 Let him out, Cartman. 74 00:03:29,752 --> 00:03:31,921 Kenny? 75 00:03:32,046 --> 00:03:33,088 - Kenny? - Is he in there? 76 00:03:33,214 --> 00:03:34,340 I can't see. 77 00:03:37,259 --> 00:03:39,470 What the hell is this, chocolate-milk mix? 78 00:03:39,595 --> 00:03:41,222 I knew Kenny couldn't fit in that teapot. 79 00:03:41,347 --> 00:03:42,347 It was a trick! 80 00:03:42,389 --> 00:03:44,558 God damn it! This isn't even good chocolate-milk mix! 81 00:03:44,683 --> 00:03:46,578 Kenny's parents must be laughing pretty hard about now. 82 00:03:46,602 --> 00:03:47,621 We were dumb enough to believe. 83 00:03:47,645 --> 00:03:48,955 Kenny's body could be in a teapot. 84 00:03:48,979 --> 00:03:50,699 Why would they play such a cruel joke on us? 85 00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:51,791 Because they're poor, Kyle! 86 00:03:51,815 --> 00:03:53,168 Poor people don't have anything better to do 87 00:03:53,192 --> 00:03:54,068 than piss other people off. 88 00:03:54,193 --> 00:03:56,379 - Don't you watch "Springer"? - We just have to face it. 89 00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:57,422 We're not gonna get Kenny back, 90 00:03:57,446 --> 00:03:58,113 and we're not gonna have our shopping spree. 91 00:03:58,239 --> 00:03:59,740 - It's over. - God damn it! 92 00:03:59,865 --> 00:04:01,492 There has to be a way! 93 00:04:11,126 --> 00:04:12,836 Not bad. 94 00:04:26,392 --> 00:04:28,686 Hurry up, Kenny. You're gonna be late for school! 95 00:04:30,562 --> 00:04:32,231 I don't think that chocolate-milk mix 96 00:04:32,356 --> 00:04:33,482 agreed with my stomach. 97 00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:37,027 - Cartman, come on! - What?! What?! 98 00:04:37,152 --> 00:04:39,071 Jesus, you butt-holes! It's 6:00 in the morning! 99 00:04:39,196 --> 00:04:41,636 Kyle figured out a way to get our ticket stub back from Kenny! 100 00:04:41,740 --> 00:04:42,740 How? 101 00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:43,826 A ladder to heaven. 102 00:04:43,951 --> 00:04:45,119 We build it, climb up, 103 00:04:45,244 --> 00:04:47,997 and get our winning ticket back from that asshole Kenny. 104 00:04:52,751 --> 00:04:54,837 Hey, if you boys are building a clubhouse, 105 00:04:54,962 --> 00:04:56,380 you should start with the floor. 106 00:04:56,505 --> 00:04:57,339 We're not building a clubhouse. 107 00:04:57,464 --> 00:04:58,650 We're building a ladder to heaven. 108 00:04:58,674 --> 00:05:00,968 A ladder to heaven? Why, son? 109 00:05:01,093 --> 00:05:02,636 Because we want to see Kenny again. 110 00:05:04,346 --> 00:05:07,391 Oh. Oh, that's so sweet. 111 00:05:07,516 --> 00:05:09,560 That's the s-saddest thing I've ever heard. 112 00:05:09,685 --> 00:05:11,395 Hey, Randy, can I borrow your, uh... 113 00:05:12,021 --> 00:05:13,605 What the hell are they doing? 114 00:05:13,731 --> 00:05:15,959 The boys want to see their dead friend Kenny again, Jimbo, 115 00:05:15,983 --> 00:05:18,610 so they're... building a ladder to heaven. 116 00:05:20,029 --> 00:05:21,989 Kyle, I think you've bothered the Marshes enough. 117 00:05:22,114 --> 00:05:23,282 No. It's all right, Sheila. 118 00:05:23,407 --> 00:05:24,700 The boys were just... 119 00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:27,411 building a ladder to heaven to see their old friend Kenny. 120 00:05:27,536 --> 00:05:29,455 A ladder to... Oh. 121 00:05:29,580 --> 00:05:30,580 Oh, gosh. 122 00:05:30,622 --> 00:05:32,374 Oh, that's so touching. 123 00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:39,590 Tom, I'm standing in South Park, Colorado, 124 00:05:39,715 --> 00:05:40,716 where last December, 125 00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:43,802 8-year-old Kenny McCormick died of a terminal illness. 126 00:05:43,927 --> 00:05:46,138 But now that little boy's three closest friends 127 00:05:46,263 --> 00:05:47,765 miss their friend so much 128 00:05:47,890 --> 00:05:51,602 that they are building a ladder to heaven in order to... 129 00:05:51,727 --> 00:05:54,938 a-a ladder to heaven in order to try to see him again. 130 00:05:55,064 --> 00:05:57,274 It's so sad and yet so beautiful, Tom. 131 00:05:57,399 --> 00:05:59,109 Here's what some people had to say. 132 00:05:59,234 --> 00:06:00,944 Well, our son just said to us 133 00:06:01,070 --> 00:06:04,573 that he really needed to see his little friend Kenny again and... 134 00:06:05,407 --> 00:06:07,451 ...and that he thought it would work if he... 135 00:06:07,576 --> 00:06:09,411 ...built a ladder to heaven. 136 00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:11,056 They just believe in their little hearts 137 00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:11,955 that it will work. 138 00:06:12,081 --> 00:06:14,166 We can't tell them it won't. We just can't! 139 00:06:14,291 --> 00:06:17,086 It shows how beautiful the innocence of a child really is. 140 00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:24,802 A ladder to heaven? That's fucking stupid. 141 00:06:24,927 --> 00:06:27,846 These boys symbolize how we all feel about loss. 142 00:06:27,971 --> 00:06:29,932 Who are we to tell them it's impossible? 143 00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:32,893 Tom, people from all over the... Sorry. 144 00:06:33,018 --> 00:06:35,646 People from all over the country are coming to see the ladder, 145 00:06:35,771 --> 00:06:38,190 feeling a connection to its symbolism and beauty. 146 00:06:38,315 --> 00:06:40,609 Even country singer Alan Jackson has shown up 147 00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:43,070 with a song he has written about the ladder. 148 00:06:43,195 --> 00:06:45,256 Alan Jackson is, of course, the man who wrote the song. 149 00:06:45,280 --> 00:06:47,032 "Where Were You" 150 00:06:47,157 --> 00:06:48,951 about the tragedies on September 11th. 151 00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:52,162 And now he's here once again to capitalize on people's emotions. 152 00:06:52,287 --> 00:06:53,664 Let's listen in. 153 00:06:53,789 --> 00:06:58,669 Where were you when they built the ladder to heaven? 154 00:06:58,794 --> 00:07:01,630 Did it make you feel like cryin' 155 00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:04,550 Or did you think it was kinda gay? 156 00:07:04,675 --> 00:07:06,009 What a beautiful song. 157 00:07:06,135 --> 00:07:10,889 Well, I, for one, believe in the ladder to heaven. 158 00:07:11,014 --> 00:07:14,184 Mm, yeah, yeah, yeah 159 00:07:14,309 --> 00:07:16,478 9/11 160 00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:18,814 I said 9/11 161 00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:22,192 9/11, 9/11 162 00:07:22,317 --> 00:07:26,196 9, 9, 9 163 00:07:26,321 --> 00:07:28,490 11 164 00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:33,078 Thank you! I have a new CD out 165 00:07:33,203 --> 00:07:35,706 with all my 9/11 songs for sale right here. 166 00:07:45,048 --> 00:07:46,728 Oh, good! Cartman's back from the junkyard. 167 00:07:46,842 --> 00:07:48,886 I found this car seat in Mr. Garrison's car. 168 00:07:49,011 --> 00:07:50,721 Mr. Garrison threw away his car? 169 00:07:50,846 --> 00:07:51,972 No. 170 00:07:54,516 --> 00:07:57,728 Hurry up, Kenny. You're gonna be late for school! 171 00:07:57,853 --> 00:08:02,608 Kenny, do you by chance know what happened to my Playboys? 172 00:08:02,733 --> 00:08:04,526 Kenny, answer me! 173 00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:06,195 Cartman? Cartman! 174 00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:07,196 W-What? What? 175 00:08:07,321 --> 00:08:08,801 Dude, what the hell is wrong with you? 176 00:08:08,906 --> 00:08:09,740 I don't know. 177 00:08:09,865 --> 00:08:12,242 It's like my brain just keeps... jacking off. 178 00:08:12,367 --> 00:08:14,167 - Maybe you've got brain cancer. - You think?! 179 00:08:14,203 --> 00:08:15,555 Don't get cancer on the ladder, Cartman. 180 00:08:15,579 --> 00:08:16,939 You're gonna fall off and break it. 181 00:08:20,125 --> 00:08:23,253 The nation is rallying behind three sweet boys in Colorado 182 00:08:23,378 --> 00:08:24,738 who are building a ladder to heaven 183 00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:26,340 to be with their dead friend. 184 00:08:26,465 --> 00:08:29,426 It's making Americans start to believe in heaven again. 185 00:08:29,551 --> 00:08:31,845 When I see how this ladder has brought people together, 186 00:08:31,970 --> 00:08:33,722 how... how it has changed America, 187 00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:35,307 I mean, how can I not believe? 188 00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:37,643 Do you actually believe in the ladder to heaven? 189 00:08:37,768 --> 00:08:41,605 If heaven is an 8-year-old boy and the ladder is my penis. 190 00:08:41,730 --> 00:08:43,357 And the pearly gates are the... 191 00:08:43,482 --> 00:08:46,401 Pshhhht! 192 00:08:46,527 --> 00:08:48,654 Uh, meanwhile, the American economy cont... 193 00:08:48,779 --> 00:08:50,697 Wait. Wait. Wait a minute. 194 00:08:50,822 --> 00:08:51,949 We are getting reports now 195 00:08:52,074 --> 00:08:54,409 that Japan is building their own ladder to heaven 196 00:08:54,535 --> 00:08:56,078 to compete with the U.S.'s. 197 00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:59,081 Let's go live to SNN correspondent Nobu Hirosahsubua. 198 00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:03,460 This is Nobunaga Hiroichi reporting live from Tokyo, 199 00:09:03,585 --> 00:09:07,339 where Japan has started building its own ladder to heaven. 200 00:09:07,464 --> 00:09:10,759 Already the Japanese ladder extend far into space 201 00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:14,054 and is growing by 1,000 miles every day. 202 00:09:14,179 --> 00:09:16,765 As the endeavor continues, it is becoming clear 203 00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:20,519 that Japan will reach heaven before the United States. 204 00:09:20,644 --> 00:09:22,229 Pbht! 205 00:09:22,354 --> 00:09:24,773 Fah-hu-ra-ha. 206 00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:27,526 - Fah-hu-ra-ha. - Uh, excuse me. 207 00:09:27,651 --> 00:09:29,695 - Fah-hu-ra-ha. - Excuse me! 208 00:09:29,820 --> 00:09:32,698 - Fah-hu-ra-ha. - Uh, we ran out of stuff. 209 00:09:34,449 --> 00:09:36,952 We ran out of stuff to build the ladder with. 210 00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:38,161 Oh, no. 211 00:09:38,287 --> 00:09:39,663 Oh, Jesus, no. 212 00:09:39,788 --> 00:09:42,165 Where were you when they ran out of stuff. 213 00:09:42,291 --> 00:09:45,043 To build the ladder to heaven? 214 00:09:45,168 --> 00:09:47,105 We can keep going, but we need to start tearing down houses 215 00:09:47,129 --> 00:09:48,505 - for wood. - No! 216 00:09:48,630 --> 00:09:51,008 Uh, look, I think maybe this has gone far enough. 217 00:09:51,133 --> 00:09:52,009 Yeah. 218 00:09:52,134 --> 00:09:54,011 I-It's time we told the boys the truth... 219 00:09:54,136 --> 00:09:55,976 That they aren't really going to get to heaven. 220 00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:57,806 Wait! Look! 221 00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:03,020 We've come to help you beat those Japs, boys. 222 00:10:03,145 --> 00:10:04,396 There won't be anyone stopping 223 00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:06,481 this great ladder from being built today! 224 00:10:09,484 --> 00:10:11,486 Alpha team, get that support structure up! 225 00:10:11,612 --> 00:10:13,822 Surveillance team, get us photos and recon! 226 00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:15,157 Yes, sir! 227 00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:16,283 Where were you. 228 00:10:16,408 --> 00:10:19,953 When they saved that ladder to heaven? 229 00:10:20,078 --> 00:10:21,180 Man, I can't believe how much 230 00:10:21,204 --> 00:10:22,684 people want us to get our ticket back. 231 00:10:22,748 --> 00:10:25,459 Candy shopping sprees have that effect on people, Kyle. 232 00:10:35,052 --> 00:10:36,261 You see anything? 233 00:10:36,386 --> 00:10:37,429 No. 234 00:10:37,554 --> 00:10:40,474 Hello? Kenny? 235 00:10:41,683 --> 00:10:43,435 God? 236 00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:44,645 Grandma? 237 00:10:47,189 --> 00:10:49,816 Oh, don't tell me we haven't even reached the cloud city yet. 238 00:10:49,941 --> 00:10:51,261 No cloud city. Not even the giant. 239 00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:52,819 Heaven must still be a long way off. 240 00:10:52,944 --> 00:10:54,881 All right. Look. I didn't want to have to say this. 241 00:10:54,905 --> 00:10:56,573 But I think maybe we're not seeing heaven 242 00:10:56,698 --> 00:10:58,742 because one of us doesn't believe in it enough. 243 00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:01,929 Heaven could be like the pixie fairies of Bubble Yum forest. 244 00:11:01,953 --> 00:11:03,872 You only see them if you really believe in them. 245 00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:04,873 - What? - You know. 246 00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:08,835 Maybe we're not seeing heaven because one of us is a J-O-O. 247 00:11:09,836 --> 00:11:12,047 What does me being a Jew have to do with anything?! 248 00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:13,612 Because Jews don't believe in heaven! 249 00:11:13,715 --> 00:11:15,550 Yes, we do! Just not the Christian heaven! 250 00:11:15,676 --> 00:11:16,176 Right! 251 00:11:16,301 --> 00:11:18,595 Your idea of heaven is getting $5 off your matzo ball soup 252 00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:20,600 at Barney's Beanery by lying about a hair in it. 253 00:11:24,393 --> 00:11:25,602 - Hey, Kenny. - Hey, Kenny. 254 00:11:25,727 --> 00:11:27,062 Mrph rmhmhm rm. 255 00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:28,980 In the ghetto, in the ghetto. 256 00:11:29,106 --> 00:11:30,875 He's a boy wearing orange who's losing his pride. 257 00:11:30,899 --> 00:11:32,377 'Cause Kenny and his whole family reside. 258 00:11:32,401 --> 00:11:34,444 In the ghetto, in the ghetto. 259 00:11:34,569 --> 00:11:36,071 Mrph rmhmhm rm mrph rm! 260 00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:37,072 What did you say?! 261 00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:38,949 Mrph mrph rm rmhmhm rm mrph rm! 262 00:11:39,074 --> 00:11:40,242 What did you say?! 263 00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:43,328 I said, "Shut up, Cartman, you blood-belching vagina!" 264 00:11:45,414 --> 00:11:47,624 Did I just call myself a blood-belching vagina? 265 00:11:47,749 --> 00:11:49,229 Dude, what the hell is wrong with you? 266 00:11:49,334 --> 00:11:50,334 I don't know. I just... 267 00:11:50,377 --> 00:11:51,920 I keep feeling like I'm Kenny, 268 00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:53,922 seeing memories through his eyes. 269 00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:55,757 You're too fat to be Kenny. 270 00:11:55,882 --> 00:11:58,802 - You're a... stupid Jew. - Let's just keep building. 271 00:11:58,927 --> 00:12:01,007 We only have five more days until the shopping spree. 272 00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:04,450 All right. How's the ladder going, General? 273 00:12:04,474 --> 00:12:05,642 Are we beating the Japanese? 274 00:12:05,767 --> 00:12:08,395 Not quite. But we have a new problem, Mr. President. 275 00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:11,231 Our recon team on the ladder just found new evidence 276 00:12:11,356 --> 00:12:13,734 of threats from Saddam Hussein. 277 00:12:13,859 --> 00:12:16,570 Saddam Hussein? But... we killed him! 278 00:12:16,695 --> 00:12:18,321 We secretly took him out months ago. 279 00:12:18,447 --> 00:12:21,116 Yes, sir, and now we believe that he's building weapons 280 00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:24,453 of mass destruction... in heaven. 281 00:12:24,578 --> 00:12:27,080 Dear Christ. That son of a bitch just doesn't stop. 282 00:12:27,205 --> 00:12:29,374 These surveillance photos were taken atop the ladder 283 00:12:29,499 --> 00:12:31,126 of what appears to be heaven. 284 00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:33,754 Here we see what we believe to be a missile silo. 285 00:12:33,879 --> 00:12:36,590 And here we see what looks like a laboratory of some sort 286 00:12:36,715 --> 00:12:38,133 for making chemical weapons. 287 00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:40,802 That kind of looks like a sea gull. 288 00:12:40,927 --> 00:12:43,972 Yes. It could be a laboratory disguised as a sea gull. 289 00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:45,557 That tricky bastard. 290 00:12:45,682 --> 00:12:46,951 Sir, you must understand our fears. 291 00:12:46,975 --> 00:12:48,477 We must take out those facilities. 292 00:12:48,602 --> 00:12:51,730 We must... bomb heaven. 293 00:12:51,855 --> 00:12:53,648 SNN question of the day... 294 00:12:53,774 --> 00:12:56,151 Now that Americans believe in heaven, should we bomb it? 295 00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:58,612 The polls right now show that 51% of Americans 296 00:12:58,737 --> 00:13:00,047 think Saddam has to be dealt with, 297 00:13:00,071 --> 00:13:02,407 while 49% are wimpy, tree-hugging pussies. 298 00:13:02,532 --> 00:13:04,159 War is not my voice. 299 00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:07,579 This country's run by rednecks and bumpkins with their guns! 300 00:13:07,704 --> 00:13:10,665 We have to take Saddam out to protect ourselves. 301 00:13:10,791 --> 00:13:11,792 I, for one, believe 302 00:13:11,917 --> 00:13:13,794 that if Saddam Hussein were an 8-year-old boy 303 00:13:13,919 --> 00:13:17,422 and my penis were the United States, then there would... 304 00:13:17,547 --> 00:13:18,632 Hard nipples! 305 00:13:18,757 --> 00:13:20,258 God damn it. 306 00:13:20,383 --> 00:13:21,927 Pshhhht! 307 00:13:23,261 --> 00:13:25,722 Tom, it's been five days since three sweet boys 308 00:13:25,847 --> 00:13:27,432 set out to build a ladder to heaven 309 00:13:27,557 --> 00:13:29,392 and captured the nation's hearts. 310 00:13:29,518 --> 00:13:32,354 They've made a nation believe heaven might be up there... 311 00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:35,190 And it could prove to be a threat to our country. 312 00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:38,443 President Bush will seek U.N. approval for military action. 313 00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:41,446 Boys, it's really neat 314 00:13:41,571 --> 00:13:45,200 that you want to see your old pal Kenny so much, but... 315 00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:47,702 But it's time for you to get back to school 316 00:13:47,828 --> 00:13:48,912 and on with your lives. 317 00:13:49,037 --> 00:13:50,163 No. We have to see Kenny. 318 00:13:50,288 --> 00:13:51,540 You have to understand 319 00:13:51,665 --> 00:13:53,542 that Kenny's body isn't up in the clouds. 320 00:13:53,667 --> 00:13:55,043 He was cremated. 321 00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:56,168 Cremated? What's that? 322 00:13:56,253 --> 00:13:58,839 When you die, your body is put into a broiling oven 323 00:13:58,964 --> 00:14:01,007 and cooked until you're nothing but ashes. 324 00:14:02,217 --> 00:14:03,552 What?! For God's sakes, why?! 325 00:14:03,677 --> 00:14:06,346 - It's just what some people do. - Are you gonna burn me? 326 00:14:06,471 --> 00:14:08,014 Kyle, that's not the issue right now. 327 00:14:08,139 --> 00:14:09,182 Jesus Christ! 328 00:14:09,307 --> 00:14:11,268 A person's ashes are put into an urn, 329 00:14:11,393 --> 00:14:13,103 and that's where Kenny's body is. 330 00:14:13,228 --> 00:14:15,897 You see, boys, Kenny is in here. 331 00:14:16,898 --> 00:14:18,608 What the... 332 00:14:18,733 --> 00:14:22,112 W-Wait a minute! This is kitty litter! 333 00:14:22,237 --> 00:14:23,363 All right. All right. 334 00:14:23,488 --> 00:14:24,865 I drank the chocolate-milk mix 335 00:14:24,990 --> 00:14:26,825 and replaced it with kitty litter. 336 00:14:26,950 --> 00:14:27,826 You what?! 337 00:14:27,951 --> 00:14:29,494 Dude, don't you know what this means? 338 00:14:29,619 --> 00:14:31,413 You drank Kenny! 339 00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:32,538 Shut up. 340 00:14:32,622 --> 00:14:35,166 You did, dude. You drank his whole body! 341 00:14:35,292 --> 00:14:36,543 Shut up. 342 00:14:36,668 --> 00:14:39,462 Oh, my God! This is awful! 343 00:14:39,588 --> 00:14:41,381 And disgusting. 344 00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:44,426 Bad, Eric. Bad. 345 00:14:45,427 --> 00:14:46,303 That explains it... 346 00:14:46,428 --> 00:14:48,221 Why I'm having Kenny's memories all the time. 347 00:14:48,346 --> 00:14:49,890 His soul is inside me! 348 00:14:50,015 --> 00:14:51,255 So much for our winning ticket. 349 00:14:51,349 --> 00:14:53,119 Cartman probably drank that with the rest of Kenny. 350 00:14:53,143 --> 00:14:54,477 Yeah. Good job, fat-ass. 351 00:14:56,104 --> 00:14:57,272 I can't live like this. 352 00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:58,565 I-I have to find a place 353 00:14:58,690 --> 00:15:01,109 where they remove living souls from your body. 354 00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:05,989 Looks like I've come to the right place. 355 00:15:06,114 --> 00:15:07,866 - Can I help you? - Yes. Hello. 356 00:15:07,991 --> 00:15:09,659 I have a living thing inside of me 357 00:15:09,784 --> 00:15:11,161 that I need sucked out, please. 358 00:15:11,286 --> 00:15:12,829 You'll have to make an appointment. 359 00:15:12,954 --> 00:15:14,706 The charge is $230. 360 00:15:14,831 --> 00:15:15,832 $230?! 361 00:15:15,957 --> 00:15:17,517 I just want you to vacuum him out of me, 362 00:15:17,542 --> 00:15:19,044 not put him up in a condominium! 363 00:15:19,169 --> 00:15:21,171 It's gonna be okay, babe. 364 00:15:21,296 --> 00:15:23,256 Listen, lady! You got to get this crap out of me! 365 00:15:23,381 --> 00:15:24,257 I don't want him in me anymore! 366 00:15:24,382 --> 00:15:26,468 Just suck him up and throw him out! 367 00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:28,762 Oh, Steven, I can't go through with this. 368 00:15:28,887 --> 00:15:30,931 I have to keep it! 369 00:15:31,056 --> 00:15:33,224 Damn it! Damn it! 370 00:15:34,184 --> 00:15:36,061 Thanks a lot, kid! 371 00:15:39,356 --> 00:15:41,399 Kenny... Kenny... Kenny... 372 00:15:41,524 --> 00:15:44,069 Kenny, Lolly's Candy Land is giving away a shopping spree! 373 00:15:44,194 --> 00:15:46,154 We're all gonna pitch in on an entry... entry... 374 00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:47,572 All right! There you go. 375 00:15:47,697 --> 00:15:50,009 Hold on to that ticket stub... ticket stub... ticket stub... 376 00:15:50,033 --> 00:15:52,243 Hold on to this, Cartman. I might lose it... lose it... 377 00:15:52,369 --> 00:15:53,578 No. I'll lose it for sure. 378 00:15:53,703 --> 00:15:55,932 You keep track of it, Kyle... of it, Kyle... of it, Kyle. 379 00:15:55,956 --> 00:15:56,956 Okay. No. 380 00:15:56,998 --> 00:15:58,851 I don't want that much responsibility... sibility... 381 00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:00,394 Here. You hold on to it, Kenny... Kenny... 382 00:16:00,418 --> 00:16:01,836 Mrph rm! Mrph rm... mrph rm... 383 00:16:02,879 --> 00:16:04,422 You better not lose that ticket, Kenny, 384 00:16:04,547 --> 00:16:06,091 or else I'll kick you in the nuts! 385 00:16:06,216 --> 00:16:08,009 The nuts... the nuts... 386 00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:17,978 The ticket! 387 00:16:18,103 --> 00:16:19,664 Kenny didn't have it on him when he died! 388 00:16:19,688 --> 00:16:21,439 He put it away somewhere! Don't you see?! 389 00:16:21,564 --> 00:16:23,733 I can still have my candy shopping spree! 390 00:16:23,858 --> 00:16:25,402 Oh, my God! You guys! 391 00:16:25,527 --> 00:16:27,362 You guys! 392 00:16:28,405 --> 00:16:30,198 Ladies and gentlemen of the U.N., 393 00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:32,575 we have evidence that Saddam Hussein is up there 394 00:16:32,701 --> 00:16:34,911 building weapons of mass destruction. 395 00:16:35,036 --> 00:16:37,747 We have tried to communicate with Saddam through a psychic 396 00:16:37,872 --> 00:16:40,417 to ask him to let us see his warehouses in heaven, 397 00:16:40,542 --> 00:16:43,378 but he has not responded. 398 00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:47,090 Of course he has not responded, because he's dead! 399 00:16:47,215 --> 00:16:49,217 Right. Dead and in heaven. 400 00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:50,218 This is preposterous! 401 00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:52,303 Even if there was a heaven, what makes you think. 402 00:16:52,429 --> 00:16:54,069 Saddam Hussein's soul would be sent there? 403 00:16:54,097 --> 00:16:56,808 Our intelligence tells us when Saddam was originally killed, 404 00:16:56,933 --> 00:16:58,768 his soul actually went to hell. 405 00:16:58,893 --> 00:17:01,479 But while in hell, he began a homosexual relationship 406 00:17:01,604 --> 00:17:03,231 with Satan, the prince of darkness. 407 00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:04,357 Satan, however, decided 408 00:17:04,482 --> 00:17:05,918 he didn't want to be with Hussein anymore 409 00:17:05,942 --> 00:17:07,610 and broke up with him around August. 410 00:17:07,736 --> 00:17:08,987 When Saddam became jealous 411 00:17:09,112 --> 00:17:11,322 and tried to kill Satan's new lover, Chris, 412 00:17:11,448 --> 00:17:12,991 Satan had Saddam sent to heaven 413 00:17:13,116 --> 00:17:15,952 to live with Mormons as a punishment. 414 00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:20,540 Questions? 415 00:17:22,167 --> 00:17:23,376 Yes? 416 00:17:23,501 --> 00:17:26,629 Are you high or just incredibly stupid? 417 00:17:26,755 --> 00:17:30,341 I assure you I am not high. 418 00:17:33,678 --> 00:17:35,638 You guys! You guys! I saw the ticket! 419 00:17:35,764 --> 00:17:36,806 What do you mean, fat-ass? 420 00:17:36,931 --> 00:17:38,451 I just had another vision, you butt-holes. 421 00:17:38,475 --> 00:17:39,785 Kenny didn't keep the ticket with him. 422 00:17:39,809 --> 00:17:40,977 He put it away somewhere! 423 00:17:41,102 --> 00:17:42,145 - Where?! - I don't know. 424 00:17:42,270 --> 00:17:44,331 I got conked in the head down at the abortion clinic, 425 00:17:44,355 --> 00:17:45,916 and I clearly saw Kenny putting the ticket 426 00:17:45,940 --> 00:17:47,067 in a little red box. 427 00:17:47,192 --> 00:17:48,836 I just have to wait for another vision to come. 428 00:17:48,860 --> 00:17:50,987 I could clearly see through Kenny's... Ahh! 429 00:17:56,284 --> 00:17:57,827 You see anything? 430 00:17:57,952 --> 00:17:59,162 Yes, Kyle. 431 00:17:59,287 --> 00:18:00,288 I see a dead Jew! 432 00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:01,539 Maybe Kyle's right. 433 00:18:01,664 --> 00:18:03,024 We got to spark the vision somehow. 434 00:18:03,124 --> 00:18:04,667 Not by giving me brain damage! 435 00:18:04,793 --> 00:18:07,879 Do you want a candy shopping spree or not? 436 00:18:09,130 --> 00:18:11,049 All right. Go ahead. 437 00:18:12,467 --> 00:18:13,467 No. 438 00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:17,263 Randy, Gerald, we... We were wrong about heaven! 439 00:18:17,388 --> 00:18:19,682 The Japanese just reached it with their ladder! 440 00:18:19,808 --> 00:18:21,101 What? 441 00:18:21,226 --> 00:18:22,477 See for yourself. 442 00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:27,190 This is Nobunaga Hiroichi reporting live from heaven. 443 00:18:27,315 --> 00:18:29,901 The great nation of Japan reached heaven today 444 00:18:30,026 --> 00:18:32,028 about 8:00 Pacific Standard Time. 445 00:18:34,656 --> 00:18:36,533 Therefore, heaven is now declared 446 00:18:36,658 --> 00:18:39,702 an official part of Japan because we got here first. 447 00:18:39,828 --> 00:18:41,830 And now for the weather in heaven, 448 00:18:41,955 --> 00:18:43,498 let's go to Natsako Sen. 449 00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:47,293 Today weather in heaven... Partly cloudy. 450 00:18:47,418 --> 00:18:49,963 That's the news from heaven. 451 00:18:52,257 --> 00:18:55,009 Dame! Dame da! Bakayarou da! 452 00:18:55,135 --> 00:18:58,138 Oh, God. And we told our boys they'd never reach heaven. 453 00:18:58,263 --> 00:18:59,347 Kids! 454 00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:03,642 Good. 455 00:19:03,685 --> 00:19:05,079 As soon as the boys finish their ladder, 456 00:19:05,103 --> 00:19:06,855 we'll be ready to take Saddam out. 457 00:19:06,980 --> 00:19:09,107 Do you really think this is a good idea, Randy? 458 00:19:09,232 --> 00:19:12,235 If Saddam is building weapons, we have to stop him... 459 00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:13,611 With our weapons. 460 00:19:13,736 --> 00:19:14,988 Uh, excuse me, everyone. 461 00:19:15,113 --> 00:19:16,673 We're not working on the ladder anymore. 462 00:19:16,781 --> 00:19:18,074 Thank you. We're done. 463 00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:20,702 Dude. 464 00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:22,036 Not working on the ladder? 465 00:19:22,162 --> 00:19:24,164 But the Japanese won't let us use theirs. 466 00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:26,374 Kenny didn't have the ticket. It was in his room. 467 00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:28,626 So we got all our candy, and you can all go home. 468 00:19:28,751 --> 00:19:29,627 Wait. 469 00:19:29,752 --> 00:19:32,922 Are you saying you only wanted to build a ladder to heaven 470 00:19:33,047 --> 00:19:35,383 so you could get some candy? 471 00:19:36,301 --> 00:19:37,987 I've never heard the words "only" and "candy" 472 00:19:38,011 --> 00:19:39,131 in the same sentence before. 473 00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:40,555 But what about your lost friend? 474 00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,056 What about your fragile innocence 475 00:19:42,182 --> 00:19:43,892 and believing we could all get to heaven? 476 00:19:44,017 --> 00:19:45,310 Well, people make us kids believe 477 00:19:45,435 --> 00:19:47,937 that heaven is this white place with fluffy clouds and angels. 478 00:19:48,062 --> 00:19:50,732 But now we think maybe heaven isn't a place you can get to. 479 00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:52,525 Maybe heaven is just an idea, 480 00:19:52,650 --> 00:19:54,944 a frame of mind, or... Or something gay like that. 481 00:19:55,069 --> 00:19:58,281 Maybe heaven is this moment right now. 482 00:19:59,282 --> 00:20:02,327 So you're saying we should bomb this moment right now? 483 00:20:02,452 --> 00:20:03,661 - Right. Johnson! - Sir! 484 00:20:03,786 --> 00:20:06,122 No. No. We shouldn't bomb anybody. 485 00:20:06,247 --> 00:20:07,415 These boys are right. 486 00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:10,501 The only heaven we can hope for is one here on earth... now. 487 00:20:10,627 --> 00:20:12,921 We should stop waiting to get into heaven 488 00:20:13,046 --> 00:20:14,881 and start trying to create it. 489 00:20:20,929 --> 00:20:22,347 And I was dumb enough to believe. 490 00:20:22,472 --> 00:20:25,016 Saddam could actually be up there building bombs. 491 00:20:25,141 --> 00:20:26,267 Where were you. 492 00:20:26,392 --> 00:20:29,729 When they decided heaven was a more intangible idea. 493 00:20:29,854 --> 00:20:33,107 And couldn't... You couldn't really get there? 494 00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:35,818 You little bastards ruined my latest song! 495 00:20:37,111 --> 00:20:38,751 Well, I'm sure glad this is all over with. 496 00:20:38,821 --> 00:20:39,906 Let's go count our candy. 497 00:20:40,031 --> 00:20:41,199 Yeah. But what about Kenny? 498 00:20:41,324 --> 00:20:42,724 His soul is still in Cartman's body. 499 00:20:42,784 --> 00:20:44,452 No, no. I just drank his memories. 500 00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:46,657 I'm not sharing my body with that poor piece of crap. 501 00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:49,207 Stop calling me poor, you fat dick! 502 00:20:49,332 --> 00:20:50,667 Oh, Jesus Christ. 503 00:20:50,792 --> 00:20:52,502 - Whoa. Kenny, you in there? - Stop it! 504 00:20:52,627 --> 00:20:54,337 Where am I, you guys? Oh, God! 505 00:20:54,462 --> 00:20:56,422 - Dude, come back here! - Stop him, Kenny! 506 00:21:02,053 --> 00:21:04,597 Keep those nitrogen capsules over there by the warheads. 507 00:21:04,722 --> 00:21:06,599 Right. Chop-chop. Come on! 508 00:21:06,724 --> 00:21:09,269 Saddam, I've been hearing rumors 509 00:21:09,394 --> 00:21:10,554 that you're secretly building 510 00:21:10,645 --> 00:21:12,689 weapons of mass destruction up here. 511 00:21:12,814 --> 00:21:14,774 Weapons of mass destruction?! 512 00:21:14,899 --> 00:21:15,899 No! 513 00:21:15,942 --> 00:21:18,486 This is a chocolate-chip factory. See? 514 00:21:18,611 --> 00:21:21,364 It looks like a chemical-weapons plant. 515 00:21:21,489 --> 00:21:22,489 Look, God. 516 00:21:22,573 --> 00:21:24,826 If I was gonna secretly build a chemical-weapons plant, 517 00:21:24,951 --> 00:21:27,704 I wouldn't make it look like a chemical-weapons plant, would I? 518 00:21:27,829 --> 00:21:28,829 I'd make it look like 519 00:21:28,913 --> 00:21:31,958 a chocolate-chip factory or something. 520 00:21:32,083 --> 00:21:33,459 All right. Just checking. 521 00:21:35,420 --> 00:21:37,714 Stupid asshole.